I deactivated Facebook today.
Incredible thought, isn’t it? A life without social media.
I am sure it won’t last forever.
But on this “day of love”, I am beginning to realize a few things.
I realized that someday there won’t be any more tiny fingerprint smudges on my bathroom mirror. My tootsies will be safe from Legos and I won’t trip over toys in the hallway. Or in the shower. Mornings won’t be filled with repeating myself as I try to rush them out the door. My life, my house, everything, will be in perfect order.
And you know, when that day comes, I am going to miss this one. I am going to miss my kids. I am going to miss this phase in my life. When they were little.
I will look at that clear bathroom mirror and tears will fall as I recall the little girl who LOVED playing “makeup” every morning. I will look at the empty tub and think back to all the times she emptied the conditioner because she wanted to “do it by myself”. I will look at my couch and think about my boy, lounging without a care in the world instead of getting ready for the day. I will reminisce about all the times he wanted to tell me about something in one of his fantasy books that he stopped reading so long ago.
And when I recall those things, an ache will rise up in my heart. An ache for a day exactly like today. A messy, crazy, rushed, loving day.
Someday, my little girl will stop coming to my room at 3am because she is scared and wants her mommy. Someday, my son won’t ask for a few more minutes to snuggle before bed. He won’t be trying to squeeze in as much time as possible with me anymore. Someday I will get 8 hours of glorious, uninterrupted sleep.
But, I won’t want it then. I’ll somehow want this.
I will want the nights when my little girl woke me because she needed my warmth to comfort her, when my son set his alarm for 5am because he wanted to spend time together and knew that was when I would be awake. I will miss them asking to climb into my bed in the morning so we can snuggle and discuss our dreams instead of getting ready in a timely fashion.
Someday, life won’t be so busy. Someday I will have all the time I want. Time to read. Time to write. Time to paint. Time to do anything I want. Too much time.
Someday, I will cook dinner in peace. No little feet tripping me, stepping right where I step, right before I do. No little hands wanting to stir, and pour and do anything and everything I am doing. No “mom, can you help with…” as I am trying to do the dishes. Someday, I will wash dishes and hate the quiet. I will wish it wasn’t so easy, so clean.
Someday, all I will have are memories.
And I’m going to miss it.
So, today, I am going to go home and embrace my littlest loves. I am going to be grateful for the fingerprints, and the toe-killing Legos, and the toys strewn down the hallway and throughout every room in the house. And I am going to look into those beautiful blue eyes and say “I love you”. I am going to look at his dirty, ripped jeans that he loves so much and realize that this moment is special. And instead of getting on to him about tearing through them again, I will enjoy the fact that he loves to be active. I am going to look at my favorite lipstick smeared all over her precious little face and remember that she is doing her best to emulate me. I am going to watch them as they read, as the light glows around them, as they grow… and I am going to appreciate today. I am going to appreciate these times that will never happen again.
Yes, Today feels long. It feels like I deserve the distraction of social media. It feels like just a blip, a split second, not too much.
But Someday, Today will seem so short, and I can never get those moments back.
Today feels like it will last forever.
But someday comes sooner than we ever think.
So, instead of Someday, I am choosing Today.
Happy Valentine’s Day!!!