Valve, ventricle, mitral valve, leaky valve, regurgitation, lining of the lungs, enlarged, stiff, blood thinners, echocardiogram, ekg, stress test, drainage, beta blockers, fluid retention, edema, surgery, endoscopic, congestive heart failure, bla, bla, bla.

The doctors are starting to sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher. It’s all running together.

I just want answers and I want to feel better.

I need to make sure my kids have their mama and I need to make sure I am healthy enough to give them a good life. But if not, I need to make sure they are taken care of.

Will, pour-over will, trust, life insurance, college, beneficiaries, more bla, bla, bla.

This isn’t my normal, positive post. I am tired. So very tired. I’m in bed by 8:30 and still have a hard time getting up in the morning. I am so frustrated. I am overwhelmed.

And I think that’s okay.

It’s okay to feel what I feel.

It’s okay to share how I feel.

I am not doing this alone, and that’s new for me. I have people in my world who are willing to help, people who are there to listen. It’s nice, and it’s scary.

Being vulnerable is hard.

I hope it’s worth it.