Sorry I haven’t been writing much on here lately. I am focusing on completing my book, and making it exactly what I want it to be. I thought I would share a little bit from that today. Let me know your thoughts!

No! I feel the tears hot on my face. I tried to hold them in. I hate that I cry when I’m mad. It’s weak. If there is one thing Daddy hates, it’s weakness. Besides, I can’t look weak or scared in front of my little brother. I am supposed to teach him how to be strong. Ugggh. This is all for him anyway.

I choke as daddy pulls my hair, yanking the back of my head down to touch my shoulders. I look up at him, mouth wide open. I can’t close it because my head is too far back. He knows that. That’s why he did it. He barks at mommy to get scissors or a knife and I know something terrible is about to happen. I have seen him like this before.

Once, he threw a wooden high chair at my little brother and cut his eye. He also has a habit of beating my older sister bloody with a wire hanger. I always think that looks way more painful than being knocked out by a chair. At least Brian was unconscious afterward. Mommy took him to the hospital for stitches and told them that he fell. She always tried to make us better. Minya just screamed the whole time he beat her and then whimpered and cried for hours as mommy put medicine and cold rags on her. Those were the hurts we weren’t allowed to show. The ones that couldn’t be blamed on an accident. We had to keep them covered up. Daddy was usually real careful though. He tried to never mark us up where people could see. Legs, arms and bodies. That’s all. Never our faces. If we put our hands up to defend ourselves, he would grab them and twist them behind our back so they didn’t get marked.

Daddy loved people. And they loved him back. He always made people laugh and smile. He needed people to tell him how beautiful his kids were. He liked that. He would even smile at us sometimes when people said that. I liked when he smiled. Once, we went to Golden Corral and the waitress said I was beautiful. He put me up on the counter and had me twirl around. He said I was the prettiest in the bunch. That was my favorite day. Minya cried when he said that. She wanted to be the prettiest.

I suppose that’s just the way of things though. We all had something that could please daddy. Minya knew how to cook. Daddy liked when she cooked for him. I got in trouble for being in the kitchen still, so I couldn’t cook yet. I get in trouble a lot. Abigail is really nice to daddy. He lets her sit on his lap and he reads to her. She is still little though. She’s six. I hope he’s always nice to her. He was mostly nice to me until today. I only got a few beatings here and there. Not like Minya and Brian. Brian is only 4, but daddy wants him to act grown up. He isn’t allowed to cry or play with toys if daddy is around. I usually try to keep him out of the way, but he likes being around daddy even though daddy doesn’t like him. Mommy still takes care of Baby Vinnie, but he is almost 2 now, so Minya and I will have to take care of him soon. Mommy is getting ready to have another baby. I hope it’s the last one. I love the little kids, but my daddy seems to get meaner every time another one comes.