Today’s gratitude moments were harder to come by…
Moments fraught with “how is this going to work?” and “am I making the right choice?” seemed far more common today.
Today was hard and messy. Today felt like failing more than anything. Today made me realize how much I don’t “have my shit together”. Today hurt. Basically from the moment I opened my eyes.
But even in the hard, messy moments, there was a certain beauty, a certain glory.
Standing up for myself was a positive moment. It wasn’t long ago that I couldn’t advocate for myself because my voice was weak. Today, I made sure my voice was heard.
Being honest with myself felt good. Sometimes I tend to fool myself into believing things are more than what is true. Getting a gut check this morning hurt a bit, but allowing myself to accept that raw hurt was a growth opportunity like no other.
Making a plan felt good. I started this morning with a few obstacles to overcome. Distraught and frantic, just hoping I could put it all together… Nothing a few goals and a plan can’t fix. At least I feel like I have the beginning of a path hewn now.
Changing direction felt good. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I’ve been doing that with my health journey for TWO YEARS now. It’s about time to remove the insanity from my world.
Realizing that no one else’s opinion truly, actually matters… That felt really good. So often I’m tempted to make decisions based on what other people might think or say… I try not to succumb to that often, but I do. I am human, after all. Today, just in one small area, I was able to take that risk and decide that I matter more.
Being honest with my friend felt good. Admitting that I was struggling, that things aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Its easier to let people believe my life is all peaches and cream, but sometimes it just isn’t. Honesty let’s people support you. Honesty means they feel safe too. Honesty is always the best policy.
Trusting someone with my kids felt good. Knowing I have people in my life that will come through for me in a pinch is amazing. My people are amazing.
Teaching my boy about responsibility… Well, that didn’t feel good, but it was certainly necessary. Hard lessons are (hopefully) lessons well learned.
Having my girl volunteer to do laundry made me think maybe things were okay after all. Her empathetic side was showing, and I fell in love with it.
Being actively creative with no thought of results was beautiful. Being able to share that with both of my kids was priceless.
So, yes, although today was challenging, rising to the occasion certainly felt good.
And as Jaylah said ” Mom, this was the best weekend ever! No one else can say their mom caught on fire!”
So, I got that going for me. 🙂