When we go into a new year, we tend to have expectations or resolutions or just some hope for what the new year might bring. 2018 was no different for me. I wrote my “Little Big Year” post and determined to do what I could to change my world one small step at a time.
At this time last year, I didn’t know what the future held. I didn’t know how long I’d survive if I did and I wasn’t sure if I could handle much more of my body failing me. All I knew was that I had to try. I had to keep fighting. I had to do whatever it took.
I had no idea how much my life would change. But I am so grateful for 2018. It was the year I learned to live myself.
I’ve been trying for years… Hoping that someday I would be enough to be okay with me. I kept hearing “its just a decision”, but I had no idea what that meant.
It wasn’t one decision though. It was so many little ones.
It was the decision to see a naturopathic doctor when western medicine provided no hope.
It was the decision to make sure my finances and life insurance and we’ll were in order so I could rest easy that my kids are cared for no matter what.
It was the decision to start saying no to people who drained my energy.
It was the decision to let go of perfection and look for excellence.
It was the decision to take charge of my life and stop allowing wishy washy answers and hunt ferociously for the truth.
It was the decision to pursue adventures.
It was the decision to eliminate everything that was suffocating me and learn to breathe again.
It was the decision that I will NEVER settle again. Not in the work I do, the relationships I keep, or the way I live my life.
It was the decision to take a leap of faith (or a few of them) and just see what happened.
It was the decision to heal, no matter what kind of hard that meant I had to relive.
It was the decision to forgive. Anyone and everyone because I’ve made enough mistakes of my own and they don’t deserve to take that much energy from me still.
It was the decision to embrace confrontation and learn how to grow from it.
It was the decision to say no, over and over again.
It was the decision to say yes to the important things, the things I really wanted in my life.
It was the decision to value my family and make the effort to see all of them.
It was the decision to stop talking and start walking. Taking action on so many things that I had only thought or talked about in the past.
It was the decision to allow other people to love me. And that, just that decision alone, changed my world.
I am so grateful for 2018. Although it was not an easy year, it was a year of tremendous growth and that is everything I hoped for last January.